reversals of fortune

the first episode of the new season of gossip girl featured an unforgettable scene where after a long summer break, Serena returned from Europe as a popular person, constantly swarmed by reporters. in the beginning, her family, especially her stepfather had been very concern about the reason behind the reporters tailing her everywhere. but she had merely shaken the concern off her stepfather by telling him that she didn’t know why she was suddenly bursting with popularity. she had also managed to put up an innocent, i-dont-know-what-is-going-on act in front of her family so that it would make her excuse legible where she had managed to put all the blames on her past.

however, it soon became clear to everyone that it had not been her past haunting her, but her wild Europe parties which was made public in every magazine around the globe. instantly, her family came to the conclusion that she had somehow returned to her old habits where she would party with friends irrationally. but the real reason for Serena’s odd behaviours was revealed soon. all the effort of partying absurdly and featured in the cover of multiple magazines, was only so that she was able to acquire attention from her father whom had abandoned her for years. this was only because despite her countless effort to seek out her father whom have not been in contact with her for several years, he had made it clear to her that he didn't want anything to do with her anymore. as a result, Serena tried really hard to capture the attention of her father no matter where he went, by doing ridiculous things in front of paparazzi so that she would be featured in every mass media possible in the world.

this episode got me thinking a lot about the way Serena tried to get the attention of her father in spite of not being able to verbally communicate with him. she attempted to send messages across to her father and get him to notice her by communicating non-verbally. though, regardless of her efforts, she was only successful in obtaining all the wrong and unwanted attentions from random people but not the attention that she had thirsted for. attention from her father.

non-verbal communication is receiver-oriented as it depends on the receiver to interpret and attach meaning to the non-verbal cues. this could very much explain why Rufus has misinterpreted the real reason behind Serena's peculiar behaviours. this is because, to Rufus’s perception of the situation, he construed the non-verbal cues displayed by Serena as one of the many terrible and foolish things that she does, which resulted in troubles for everyone around her to resolve.

some other examples of non-verbal communication also include the part where Lily, Serena’s mother had gotten her family, consisting of Dan, Jenny, Eric, Rufus and also Serena invitations to a prestigious private event. as most of them had never really been able to enjoy the beauty of a prominent event held by people from a higher social status, Dan, Jenny and Eric made faces to express their disliking towards the idea of having to attend the event. from their facial expressions, it was apparent that they had articulated their dissatisfaction towards the decision to attend the event without their prior approval.

perhaps non-verbal communications are not always as easy as it seems. although all of us would have engage ourselves in any kind of non-verbal communications at least once in our lives whether or not we even realise it. because when it comes down to it, not being able to speak your mind and express yourself with words can more than once, create misunderstanding and misinterpretation of things that we want to say. just like in this case, Serena wanted to attain attention from his father but instead, she got herself in trouble with her stepfather, Rufus who thinks she is a trouble child. and as a result, endeavours to keep her out of the media.

just my thought

my beloved friends and i back in my hometown, Kota Kinabalu

as an international student here in Singapore, settling down and getting used to the new surroundings, posts a new challenge to my already difficult life.

being away from my hometown, although merely few thousand kilometres away, it has never made me miss home more. i mean, who would ever expect the life of a foreign student to be so hard. and this is especially for an introverted person like me. when i joined a new college for a Cambridge A-level course a year ago, back in Malaysia, the first few days had been lonely. but as soon as i met new friends, things change completely. having friends can really change things. for one, i no longer had to be afraid that if i ever miss any important points given by our lecturers for an assignment. cause my friends are always around to lend a helping hand. compared to what I'm going through now, perhaps those few days which i had thought was the worst times of my life, are actually just appetizers to my three course meal of living it hard.

being here, i was not only unable to make new friends. even the chance to talk was almost entirely zero. what? as if having a lecture in a lecture theatre of more than hundreds of people are not enough. everyone had to look like strangers too. and most of all, they all look very unapproachable, already adapted to their own group of friends and not willing to readjust themselves to anymore changes via external force. maybe i have always been a paranoid person. but knowing that doesn't change the fact that I'm afraid of approaching random strangers and just strike a conversation like i actually belong there with them. and that's just because I'm scared at the mere thought of them shunning me out once they hear me speak to them. so, i have chosen to keep quiet and remain absolutely invisible rather than having to embarrass myself by speaking up, only to find that my way of communication has been barricaded by a language-based barrier.

being an international student, i have only been exposed to cases of exclusionary language whereby local students or foreign students from other countries alienated me by communicating in ways that as a Malaysian, i could never understand. therefore, in order to convince myself that i have made the right decision not to approach random strangers in campus just for the sake of commencing a conversation, i had begun to chant "silence is still a way of communication" as my mantra almost daily. or rather, whenever I'm still in the boundaries of the campus.

plus, i have always been happy staying within my comfort zone, playing everything safe. but the moment i stepped down of the airplane the first night I was here, everything that i have worked so hard all my life to build, had crumbled down in a matter of seconds. i realised that i was no longer in the safe boundary of my comfort zone. and just like last year, i was once again forced to step out of the comfort zone i had only just begun to be grown attached to. and now, everything new is forcing their way into shaping a new zone. a zone i had secretly hoped to be as good as the last. however, only time will tell...

im a chingstah

ask anyone what is a YouTube, and they will tell you the same thing. but have you heard my answer before? if you are curious to know what I'm going to say, please read on...

YouTube is deemed as a video sharing website. who would have thought that a website like that would ever be able to produce some of the most popular upcoming stars. although they only started sharing videos of themselves as a form of blogging, which is called video blogging. when i first saw the word vlogging, i was hesitant about the word's existence. i didn't even know what it meant until one day, my sister told me about it and said that it is actually short for 'video blogging'.

so then, i started searching and watching videos of random vloggers (also another word to describe video bloggers) and instantly, i was hooked. all the comedic stunts earned them several hundred thousands of viewers or subscribers which also indirectly, alleviated them to the path of stardom. and amongst all the huge variety of genres and themes the vloggers opted for, the comedians are usually the most supported ones.

however, amidst all the different vloggers i have stumbled upon, one left me a particularly deep impression. and with some of his most recent videos, he not only showed his music-composing talent,but also acting skills which explained clearly as to why he had infinite subscribers.



personally, i felt that this video was one of his best, and had captured my attention the most. even with the usage of words that might appear to most, as jargon, he managed to portray a character which may be unfamiliar to a lot of us, yet, with this song of his and the music video, although, being linear model of communication, it was able to instantly lift the communication barrier between his ideas and that of his viewers'. his lyrics are about an Asian wannabe gangster which they call 'chingstah' or also known as 'chingster'. meaning, Chinese gangster. overall, i felt that the description of a stereotypical Asian gangster is somewhat true. especially the fact that most of them are merely wannabes.

wannabes usually feel that gangsters are really cool and wants to be just like them. however, being a Chinese myself, i know that these people usually only attempt to act like one, but would never do anything that would actually result in their classification into the group 'gangsters' but instead, be collocated as 'wannabes'. and when this happens, i would only say that they are desperate and pathetic.

i mean, why try to be someone else when you can be yourself? wouldn't it be easier and effortless to just be yourself? if you are saying that people wouldn't like you the way you are, I'm telling you now, that it's not true. everyone has a different perception and view on the same things. cause "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and one person doesn't represent all. so, don't give yourself an excuse that you are not likable as yourself. cause that reason is no longer valid. besides, if you never give yourself and others a chance, how would you ever know that people would not like you for who you are?

i know that first impressions are important to most people. i mean, who wouldn't want to look good and make an excellent first impression? human tend to judge a book by it's cover. but that is only the case when your exterior is all that they can see and judge. sometimes, it takes more than just good looks for someone to like you. it takes a much deeper understanding to exist, in order for someone to sincerely like you for who you are, despite your flaws. because when it all comes down to it, beauty fades. and when that happens, what's in your heart is the only thing you have left. right?

jeez. i guess vlogging is really a better alternative to get your message across without having to type until your hands are numb.